It was a beautiful sunny day, and we were sprawled on the banks of the lower Tryweryn reflecting (tanning) on how our 4* training was going so far. As the male members of our group lay basking in the May sunshine, one of the ladies in the group sighed and declared “I need a wee” and that was it. Gradually all four of us decided the same and then proceeded the arduous task of stripping off. We would all like to point out that being a girl who kayaks, is sometimes really really hard. You know when the hardest moments are? When you really really need a wee, and you’re in full kit. The expression FML comes to mind every time. Oh yeh, and drysuits, even so-called lady drysuits from the likes of Typhoon with their (IN)convience (I know that doesn’t quite work but just go with me here) zips laughing in our faces and lack of penis. Thanks for that drysuit designers. So there we were, wrenching off drysuits, untucking thermals, unbuckling dry trousers and all that jazz. Then, there’s the location or as Kirsty and Phil would put it, location location location. I mean, not only do I have to shimmy practically out of my drysuit, I first have to find somewhere that doesn’t leave me flashing my pale but to the world or unsuspecting fishermen/farmers etc etc. I’m ranting I know, but guys, weeing is hard for girls we should get more credit for that shit.
But as the title of this posts suggests, here are the crucial pointers to weeing in a drysuit:
1. Never aim upstream/upwind/uphill of your feet and hands. Trying to finish before it reaches your feet? Not cool. Or fun.
2. Try and keep the inside of your drysuit far far FAR away. Which leads nicely on the point three…
3. With drysuits there is just so much fabric it can get a little distressing, so utilise those hands of yours and lean back and chill in a sort of failed backwards crab to get the best angle whilst you do your thing.
So there you have it. Boys, I’m sorry you had to hear this, but it’s a lesson you need to learn. Give the ladies in your group some props for being able to do this and still come back from that weird spot in the woods looking amazing (because you know, Rule 1 duh).
And kit manufacturers, stay tuned for OUR VERY OWN planned range of the most convenient lady paddling kit you’ve ever seen (design process still very much ongoing 😛 )
All tips and tricks for surviving with boobs in the paddling world are always much appreciated. Throw some my way?
& Happy paddling fishies.